Is it the thirst? Is it desperation? Is there a scarcity of men? Is it in your nature? Are you afraid to start over? Are you afraid another woman will benefit from your hard work and sacrifice? Do you believe he will change?
When I first met my wife I sold her a dream. After about two months she realized that I’d sold her a dream and she left me. She moved on with her life and she never looked back. I was the one who asked to see her again six months later. By then she had healed and forgiven me. She gave me another chance and I showed her perfection up until marriage which was only 10 months later. Two months into our marriage I decided to dabble in the street-life again and she left me. I begged and pleaded for days until she gave me another chance. When she came back she let me know what she needed from me and what she expected from me and that was that. I changed and I began to grow. I had no interest in messing up again. I saw that she was strong enough to walk away even after marriage and that was all I needed to know about her strength. I didn’t want to keep testing her because I knew the next time could be the last time. I didn’t want to lose a rare and special woman and have to go back to average women. I wanted a woman with her type of strength and self-respect. I knew that type of woman would make a great mother and be able to stand on her own two feet and take care of our kids even when I couldn’t be there. I grew because I had to. I made other mistakes but I wasn’t crazy enough to keep making them and to allow them to get so messy that it would come out. I fought for change. I fought against my fleshly desires, my insecurities, and my immaturity and I won. I now know that men are capable of change. I never thought I could be faithful to one woman because I’d never done it before. I live that life now and it’s easier with every passing day. Each day I fall more in love with my wife. Each day I lose more of my ego in love and I’m able to be selfless.
I believe in change. But I also know that it doesn’t take a million chances to make that change. As adults we have enough common sense to know when to change for the better. If we don’t change it’s because we don’t want to change. Three chances is the most I could see myself needing because I know right from wrong and if I do wrong then it’s on purpose. Those three chances would be different types of mistakes, not the same mistake. I’m saying three just to admit that no one is perfect and we all make “mistakes on purpose” at times.
I received like 200 or more emails from women last week. I read through the first 10 and almost broke my phone. I read a different version of the same story over and over again. The common theme of each email was “chances.” Why? Why give 5 chances? Why give 10 chances? Why give 5, 10, or 15 years of chances? Why live miserable? Why live in fear? Why live in pain? Why live in self-hate? Why sleep with an enemy?
I know we all have a story. I know we all have pain. I know we all have insecurities. But there comes a day that you have to look yourself in the mirror and say:
I love myself! I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve to receive the same amount of love that I give. I know my worth and I refuse to settle for less. I will be alone until I meet someone who can respect and appreciate me the same way I respect and appreciate myself. I won’t settle for anything less than what I deserve.
Print this blog out. Cut out that little piece above or just write it out on a 3×5 card. Put that card on your bathroom mirror. Write another one out and put it in your purse. Read it in the morning while you’re in the mirror. Read it on your lunch break during the day. Read it at night before you go to bed. Tell yourself that over and over until you start to believe it. I promise you those words will work. You have to change the way you see yourself. You have to stop settling. You have to love yourself. Settling for less than you deserve won’t make a person give you what you deserve.