A lot of women are deciding to abstain from sex until marriage for many reasons. The problem comes in when trying to date men who are accustomed to having sex while in a relationship.
I received a question from a young lady in her 30’s who has decided to start dating again. She said she’s trying to live by God’s principles and save sex for marriage. She keeps meeting men who are Christians but don’t want to live by God’s principles about sex.
Since I’ve been a life coach and a speaker I’ve met two NFL virgins who were waiting until marriage for sex. One of them actually did it and I haven’t checked back with the other one. I also met an NBA player who waited 3 years without sex until he married his wife. That was all I needed to hear to know that it’s possible. If a man with that kind of money and opportunity can discipline himself enough to wait, then why can’t a normal man do it?
I didn’t have to wait until marriage and I can’t say that I wouldn’t have. If I met my wife and she decided to wait until marriage, I would have married her quicker. I believe a man will wait for anything or anyone he feels is worth it. We had sex because we were conditioned and programmed by pop-culture that it was the thing to do. That was 10 years ago. There is a shift happening now and because of the state of relationships people are becoming more thoughtful about their actions.
There were women who wanted me to wait longer than I wanted to and I left them alone. The reason is because they weren’t what I was looking for in a wife anyways. That’s the key. You have to be what he wants and needs. If he won’t wait, you’re not the one. You can’t compromise your beliefs to be please a man. The man who is for you will respect you and will wait for you. I’ve polled hundreds of men asking them: “Will you wait until marriage for sex if the woman is the one you want to marry?” 90% of the men said yes. In fact, the only men who said no are the ones who were in front of their girlfriend who they were already sleeping with. He’d already talked her out of the sex so he wasn’t about to let me reverse his hard work by giving her knowledge, self-worth, and self-respect that he’d already talked her out of.
I recommend doing it God’s way. That’s where the blessings are and less stress is there. Some women say they have sex because they want to. No, you’re having sex because you’ve been conditioned and programmed to have sex to keep and to please a man. So you give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband and claim that it’s all your idea.
If a man leaves you for having standards, let him leave. If a man can’t see the bigger picture, he’s still a grown boy and will probably cause you more pain and stress than peace and happiness.
Has marriage worked even when the couple had sex while dating? Yes! Does that mean it’s right? No!
I believe we suffered in the first two years of our marriage because we had sex before marriage and weakened the foundation of our relationship. Build your relationship on friendship, not sex. If sex couldn’t be part of your relationship, would it still work? If one of you had a stroke and couldn’t have sex anymore, would there still be love? If one of you has a surgery or is hospitalized and you couldn’t have sex, would there be infidelity? A lot of men even cheat on their woman while she’s pregnant. That’s because the relationship was built on lust and sex, not love and friendship.
So my message to you is; if your legs are closed, keep them closed. If your legs are open, close them.
To the men, zip up your pants. Do something out of the norm and build a relationship on friendship. Let the lust build and fulfill it when you give the woman a commitment until death do you part. Be the man and take the lead; and lead with love. Let it be your idea to wait until marriage for sex instead of being forced into it by her. You won’t die without having sex. What you will gain is self-control, self-respect, focus, will-power, determination, strength, and so much more. I didn’t gain those things while dating but I wish I did. I gained them in marriage by being faithful to my wife. So not only wait until marriage, be faithful to her while waiting. Challenge yourself and grow through it!