It’s human nature to care what others think of us. We’d like to be liked by everyone. In High School we compete for “most popular.” Somewhere along the way we were told that we should be liked by others. But truthfully it’s not our place to be liked, it’s our place to walk in love. Interestingly enough, you can walk in love and still not be liked by others.
Check yourself first. Where are you operating from? Are you operating from insecurities? Are you operating from a bitter heart? Are you operating from frustration? Are you operating from brokenness? If you’re operating from the wrong place, you may not be liked by others. But if you know your heart is in the right place, you can’t worry about what others think.
From this day forward just be you. Operate from your heart. Be the person you know you are. You won’t like everyone but that doesn’t mean you have to disrespect anyone. Not everyone will like you but most likely that has nothing to do with you. Most people don’t like themselves so how do you expect them to like you? Growing up, folks would always say, “people hated Jesus and he was perfect so what makes you think they will like you?” That rings so true.
1. Many people don’t like themselves:
It’s normal for people to be unhappy with their position in life. Many people don’t like the way they look, feel, or anything else about themselves. The world we live in isn’t conducive to self-love. We are in a constant state of comparison at all times. The magazines and television are always forcing us to compare ourselves to the unrealistic lifestyles of others. That causes insecurities in many and they take those insecurities out on you.
2. Some envy your position:
We are all chasing a dream of some sort. Well, if your life looks like a dream in areas where theirs may look like a nightmare, they probably won’t like you. Some people will make themselves dislike you just because they don’t want to watch you thrive. You can’t be offended because others don’t want to watch your highlight reel.
3. Some want to believe a lie about you:
There will always be someone lying and gossiping about you. If you’re living and trying to do anything right in your life you can bet there will be someone lying on you. Some people are looking for a negative narrative about you so they can latch on and persuade themselves not to like you. Some people will spread those lies because your pursuit of excellence makes them feel mediocre. No human wants to feel less than another, and that’s how some people deal with that inadequate feeling. You can’t dim your light just because someone else says you’re shining too bright. Shine bright. Be big. Be who you are and don’t live small to appease their insecurities.
How to not be a hater?
There are so many haters in the world! I was once a hater but then I made a shift in my mindset and everything changed. Just like some others I was one of the three people I mentioned above. At some point, 99% of us have hated on someone else but maybe only 10% of us will admit it. I’m man enough to admit that I’ve been a hater.
Here’s how I stopped being a hater:
1. I stopped believing everything I saw:
I started to realize that people only show you what they want you to see. No one shows their pain and their problems unless it will benefit them. No one wants to show you their fumbles, failures, and mistakes unless that’s their purpose to help others. Everyone wants you to see their highlight reel. You can’t believe everything you see. I started to understand that and it gave me a different perspective.
2. I started to understand the human struggle:
If I saw a person acting a certain way I began to question what they’ve been through in life that drove them to that point. If you take the time to hear people’s story, you’d realize that most people have really been through some messed up stuff. When you seek to understand their struggle, you no longer can hate them for who they are or how they behave.
3. I started to realize we all have our time in the sun:
I would envy the position of others because I didn’t feel they deserved the spot they held. I felt more qualified than them. Then I realized that’s the same way many people feel about me. I couldn’t understand why some people would make themselves not like me when I’d never done anything wrong to them. Then I realized, a lot of them were mad at my position or “success,” and they didn’t feel that I deserved it. After I thought about how that made me feel it helped me shift my mindset. Now when I see someone doing big things I literally can smile about it because I know my moment in the sun will come. I don’t have to hate or be envious because I realize we all have our time, especially if we can be happy for others. Instead of saying, “they don’t deserve that.” Start staying, “I’m glad they are opening the door.” That mindset shift changed everything for me.
I hope this has helped. Stop worrying about who doesn’t like you, as long as you like you. Stop hating on others and change the way you look at it. Live your life and let them live theirs. All you can control is you. Do your job and what’s for you can’t be denied. If they don’t like you for being you, pray for them. That’s a problem with them, not with you.
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
I’ve said before that love is a job you can’t retire from. Both parties have to show up ready to work every day. You can’t take breaks from loving your spouse. You have to commit to real love, day in and day out. It isn’t easy because we are naturally selfish at times. At times we want to be catered to. We wish they would just see it our way. We wish that they could understand the way we feel and what we’re trying to accomplish in life. But rarely do we sit and think about what they need from us. How they need to be loved. What can we do to make it better for them. What can we do to better understand them. It’s always me, me, me.
It’s not fair to them and it’s not healthy for a relationship. You should give respect and love, and expect it in return. Focus on the good they do for you instead of what they don’t do. If you know their heart is in the right place and they really love you, appreciate it. Communicate with them. Express your heart to them. Plead with them to stop playing the victim and to really hear you out. Make it known that you’re serious and the issues must be worked out. Give your best effort. Lead with love instead of sitting and waiting to be loved. Treat them with the love and attention you want from them. If you’ve expressed your needs and you’ve met theirs, they shouldn’t be too far behind. If your partner won’t make adjustments and some drastic changes for you, it’s not real love. If you talk but they NEVER listen, it’s not real love. If you can’t get them to change no matter what you do, it’s not real love.
If it’s real, you’ll know it. You’ll express yourself and you’ll see immediate changes. Those changes will become habits and even if they backslide you can quickly snap them out of the slump. Real love conquers all. Fight for your love, not physically but emotionally. Give your all and ask for their all in return. It’s worth it and it can work.
Keep working on love as it’s working on you!
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
One thing my wife and I have been working on is giving our lives direction. All my life I’ve done the big things like school, work, etc but I realize now it’s the small things that make the difference. It’s the things you do before school or after school, before work or after work that makes the difference. Those are the things that take you from where you are to where you want to be.
Everything matters. You can’t just focus on business all the time and forget your love-life. You can’t just be in love and not focus on your personal goals. You can’t focus on business and love and forget about your body. You can’t just work and not play. You can’t just play and not work. Everything matters and everything effects everything. You have to make things work together. The only way you’ll be able to do that is to give your life direction. Create a schedule and break your days down by the hour.
On my schedule today I have to have a blog up by 4pmEST, but I’m in the parking lot of my barbershop waiting for my turn. So what am I doing? I’m writing this from my car because the direction of my life demands it of me. You’ve heard it before, nothing works unless you do. My wife always says “I want it all.” At first I didn’t understand her but she explained it later and told me that it means she doesn’t want to settle. She wants to be a great mother, great wife, great friend, daughter, and to pursue her dreams. It’s not easy. We are always a work in progress, but the only way to come close to having it all is to give your life direction.
I’ve been working it and it works! I’m noticing that in a day I can take out time for myself and my relationship with God, work on my business, train my body, spend time with my wife, and spend time with my kids, give time to others. In a days time I’ve been able to do everything that matters to me because I’ve given my life direction.
I challenge you to sit down and write out a schedule. Map your days out by the hour. Put everything that’s important to you on the list. Don’t leave anything off. If you can’t afford to do it all then find substitutions. Don’t take “no” for an answer. Find a way or make a way. This is your life and you’re in the driver’s seat. Take charge of the wheel and go where you want to go.
Nothing works unless you do!
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
Stop for a second and evaluate your thoughts and actions. Where are your words and actions coming from? At the root of your actions are your thoughts. What’s inside your mind? Is it fear? Is it anger? Is it bitterness? Is it hate? Is it insecurity? Or is it love? Is it happiness? Is it hope? Really evaluate where you’re operating from.
It’s very important that you do the heart-work and make sure that you’re operating from a good space in your mind. When you’re operating from love you should never worry about what people think of you or if they lie on you. You know your heart and your intentions. The people who are meant to be in your life will love and appreciate you. The people who are fake will think you’re fake too. The people who are operating from the wrong place in their heart won’t like you no matter how good of a person you are. Protect your name by operating from the right place.
Never allow yourself to speak from hate, anger, or jealousy. Always question your heart before you make any statement or take any action. When you take the time to check yourself the results will be much greater. When you give with a glad heart and from a good place you don’t expect anything in return but you know God’s favor will be with you. You don’t have to keep score or count the wrongs. You don’t have to complain about what you’re not getting and how people are treating you because you’re operating from a good space for yourself, not them.
Be very mindful of the space you’re in. If you’re not in the right space, do the work to shift your mindset. Read more. Pray more. Count your blessings. Talk to positive people. Invest in yourself. Don’t sit idle and allow your life to be ran by negativity. Happiness is a choice so choose wisely!
Tony A. Gaskins jr.
You can’t see tomorrow because of today. There may be a bill that you don’t know how it’ll be paid. There may be a job opening you’re praying for. You may be waiting on your breakthrough and praying it comes sooner than later. Faith is the key. You won’t receive anything without faith.
Walk by faith every day. Don’t allow yourself to be discouraged. No matter how bad it looks, speak life. As a man thinketh, so is he. Proverbs 23:7. You have to know that your words and your thoughts have power. You may not be able to see how it will happen but if you believe it will happen, it will happen. If it doesn’t happen, know that it wasn’t for you and better is coming.
I’ve seen over and over again how God works on His time. I’ve been baffled by the blessings and the timing of His work. It has taught me to never doubt, but instead to pray and believe. I believe anything is possible at any moment and I don’t question the process anymore. I used to be riddled with fear and stress. Now I just pray for grace and mercy. Everything will be taken care of if you’re living right and believing that your blessings are on the way.
I challenge you to believe like never before. Don’t let fear and doubt creep in. Speak life no matter how crazy you sound. Walk by faith and you’ll be surprised by the results.
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
Support is funny at times. As you’re climbing you’ll notice the trends in support. First when you start you’ll receive one or two real supporters. Then when you start to take action and get some traction you’ll see more support from strangers. In that stage you’re not a real threat to success or anyone’s ego or self-esteem so people will support you freely. At that stage you aren’t really making any money from what you’re doing and if you are making money it’s nothing to brag about. You’ll see some people online getting 1,000 retweets on every tweet but barely getting by financially. People may support their gift but won’t spend any money to help them earn a living. Then the support will turn into income and it’ll be good as long as you keep quiet about how good it’s getting. As long as you seem regular, broke, and struggling in the climb and relate-able the support will continue to flood in. Some people fake it, but you should never fake it. Don’t be afraid to be amazing.
The moment the support starts to change your life, that’s when the tide is about to change. You see, some people will support you until they feel like their support is making your life better than theirs. They will take credit for your success and not realize that they are one of many who benefit from the value you’re adding to the world. You’ll have many people fall off in that stage of your climb but don’t worry. The support you’ve received will attract other people who will begin their cycle of support and that will sustain you in that stage of the climb. It’s the waves of supporters and the individual cycles they’re on that will keep you afloat. If you can weather the storm and keep going and realize that although you’re not eating steak and lobster, you’re still earning a living by doing what you love and you’ll be just fine.
Then eventually the waves of support will propel you to the next level in your climb and it’s at this level that those who fell off will look up and realize you made it anyways. Then in need of your product, service, or presence they will come back and hop on the bandwagon as if they never left. They’ll tell you that they always knew you’d make it and that they’ve been there from day one. When in fact they supported on day one because they didn’t think it would make a difference then on all the days in the middle of your climb when you needed them the most they were no where to be found. Now they’re back like they never left. They assume that the product or service you’re promoting was selling all along so they can take claim for some of the sales as if they did it.
I remember I posted a picture of my wife and she had on an expensive purse and shoes. This young lady who claimed to be a supporter said, “oh now I see where you spend my hard earned money.” I was appalled because nothing I offer would pay for anything my wife had on and because of the trends in support I had to create over 40 streams of income across 8 different companies to thrive as an entrepreneur. And here was this bitter woman claiming her purchase of a $25 seminar ticket or $100 online course is what bought my wife’s purse. The truth is, she probably never supported me. She was a spectator and a hater. You see, your true supporters want to see you win. They want to see your life change. They want to help take you to the next level because they understand that they are sowing a seed and one day the same will happen for them in their business ventures. Those who complain about your success or get mad with you when you start to elevate, those aren’t supporters and you can’t get upset with them. Those type of people will never prosper. You can have a product, service, or gift that can change their life for the better but they will go without it just because they don’t want to make you “rich.” They will starve themselves before eating the food you’re selling because they feel if they buy a plate they’ll “make you.” You can’t worry about them because all along you’ll have good hearted people who will sow into your life.
So as you’re building I want you to understand that support is funny. There will be times that you have to support yourself and if the people who started with you aren’t there anymore, find new people. So you’ll go from fake support, to barely support, to more fake support. It’s the waves of support that carry you through the climb. The few real ones will always be there rooting you on.
If you’re giving something the world needs you’ll always be taken care of because even the haters support counts. The spectators support counts. Don’t expect to have all raving fans and all loyal supporters. Take the good with the bad and appreciate those who appreciate you. It’s a tough journey and a long climb so be patient and just keep going!
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.