Is it cheating if you’re not engaged or married?

I received a question from a guy asking: Is it considered cheating if I’m not engaged or married? He said he hasn’t cheated but he often wonders if it could even be considered cheating because there isn’t a ring involved. He feels that he’s giving a girlfriend, wife benefits. I always tell women not to give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband so I guess he’s looking at it from that perspective. Faithfulness isn’t only a benefit to your partner, it’s a benefit to yourself.

I know a lot of men suffer from this struggle. I’ve never had the mind or body of a woman so I’m not sure how hard it is for women to remain faithful. For a man I know it once was very hard. Then I realized that once I made my woman my everything, being faithful became easy. I am not tempted at all to cheat now. I am tempted to lust after a nice butt, but not to cheat. I have to check myself if I accidentally scan across a nice set of thighs and a butt because the bible says that if a man lusts in his heart then he has already committed adultery. I tell myself every second of the day while I’m out in public “keep your eyes up.” I’m not sure women will ever understand how hard it is for men to gain control of that reproductive instinct that God put in us to replenish the earth. It’s a spiritual thing for me. I realize that if the creator created me like this, then only the creator can grant me the strength to contain the desire. I pray for strength daily and I lust after my wife daily. I make my wife my everything. This practice doesn’t start in marriage, it starts in dating.

I had the idea that once I got married that I would be 100% faithful. I realized after marriage that the vows and the paper you sign doesn’t change those desires. You have to change those desires yourself. Being faithful is a practice and you have to practice it daily. It takes time, work, and a real commitment. It takes a relationship with God in my opinion.

Being faithful to your woman isn’t only benefit to her, it’s a benefit to you. The sooner you get that discipline the better your life will be. I never learned how to be faithful until I met my wife. Once I bought into the idea 100% my whole life changed. Every part of my life became better. I gained more peace, happiness, clarity and even success. By not cheating it allowed me to focus 100% on my family and my purpose. The focus I gave to my purpose helped me start 4 companies, over 30 streams of income, and my income increased by more than 2,500% in a time span of 5 years.

So what I want my fellas to understand is that being faithful isn’t a curse, it’s a blessing. It’s a discipline. If you can discipline yourself in that area of your life, there won’t be anything you can’t accomplish. That desire to replenish the earth and to provide a living are the two strongest desires men have. If you can channel those desires, everything changes for the better!

Also please know that if you can’t be faithful in dating, you won’t be faithful in marriage. The young man who wrote in said he sees his girlfriend as one day being his wife. If you see her as your future wife then you have to make sure you are committed to her now and you’re faithful. If you start allowing yourself to cheat now, you may never be able to gain control of it again.

This is a struggle that every man has and women may never understand how or why it’s so hard, but I’m hear to tell you that being 100% faithful is possible. I’m not speaking about being faithful for a year or two. I’m talking about longterm faithfulness. I’m in my sexual prime and I’m 100% faithful. I know I’m not the only one and I know that anyone can do it if you really want to. If you give into lust and you allow yourself to lust after other women, that lust will grow and one day it will consume you.

Give the gift of faithfulness to yourself because to cheat on her isn’t just against her, it’s against yourself.

Don’t hurt yourself, help yourself!

Blessings,

Tony G.

Why do women give so many chances?

Is it the thirst? Is it desperation? Is there a scarcity of men? Is it in your nature? Are you afraid to start over? Are you afraid another woman will benefit from your hard work and sacrifice? Do you believe he will change?

When I first met my wife I sold her a dream. After about two months she realized that I’d sold her a dream and she left me. She moved on with her life and she never looked back. I was the one who asked to see her again six months later. By then she had healed and forgiven me. She gave me another chance and I showed her perfection up until marriage which was only 10 months later. Two months into our marriage I decided to dabble in the street-life again and she left me. I begged and pleaded for days until she gave me another chance. When she came back she let me know what she needed from me and what she expected from me and that was that. I changed and I began to grow. I had no interest in messing up again. I saw that she was strong enough to walk away even after marriage and that was all I needed to know about her strength. I didn’t want to keep testing her because I knew the next time could be the last time. I didn’t want to lose a rare and special woman and have to go back to average women. I wanted a woman with her type of strength and self-respect. I knew that type of woman would make a great mother and be able to stand on her own two feet and take care of our kids even when I couldn’t be there. I grew because I had to. I made other mistakes but I wasn’t crazy enough to keep making them and to allow them to get so messy that it would come out. I fought for change. I fought against my fleshly desires, my insecurities, and my immaturity and I won. I now know that men are capable of change. I never thought I could be faithful to one woman because I’d never done it before. I live that life now and it’s easier with every passing day. Each day I fall more in love with my wife. Each day I lose more of my ego in love and I’m able to be selfless.

I believe in change. But I also know that it doesn’t take a million chances to make that change. As adults we have enough common sense to know when to change for the better. If we don’t change it’s because we don’t want to change. Three chances is the most I could see myself needing because I know right from wrong and if I do wrong then it’s on purpose. Those three chances would be different types of mistakes, not the same mistake. I’m saying three just to admit that no one is perfect and we all make “mistakes on purpose” at times.

I received like 200 or more emails from women last week. I read through the first 10 and almost broke my phone. I read a different version of the same story over and over again. The common theme of each email was “chances.” Why? Why give 5 chances? Why give 10 chances? Why give 5, 10, or 15 years of chances? Why live miserable? Why live in fear? Why live in pain? Why live in self-hate? Why sleep with an enemy?

I know we all have a story. I know we all have pain. I know we all have insecurities. But there comes a day that you have to look yourself in the mirror and say:


I love myself! I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve to receive the same amount of love that I give. I know my worth and I refuse to settle for less. I will be alone until I meet someone who can respect and appreciate me the same way I respect and appreciate myself. I won’t settle for anything less than what I deserve. 


Print this blog out. Cut out that little piece above or just write it out on a 3×5 card. Put that card on your bathroom mirror. Write another one out and put it in your purse. Read it in the morning while you’re in the mirror. Read it on your lunch break during the day. Read it at night before you go to bed. Tell yourself that over and over until you start to believe it. I promise you those words will work. You have to change the way you see yourself. You have to stop settling. You have to love yourself. Settling for less than you deserve won’t make a person give you what you deserve.

Bless you!!

Tony G.

You want her, but she wants her ex!

I know this happens the other way around but this time the question came from a man so I’m going to speak to the man. I believe this information can work the other way around as well.

You have to understand “soul-ties.” It has been described many ways but to put it simply, a soul-tie is an emotional and spiritual connection between two people that is very hard to break. A soul-tie is like an addiction to a person and certain feelings. The way I’d describe it is; the body becomes addicted to the releases from the brain during the relationship. A person can become addicted to the drama, the sex, and many other things that trigger a release of certain chemicals from the brain. A lot of times it’s not love it’s an addiction. We get accustomed to the “feelings.”

How do you detect a “soul-tie?” 

You have to check the “relationship resume.” That is another one of my terms. It’s no different than a job resume, but it’s her relationship history. You need to find out how many relationships she has been in. You need to find out when was her last relationship. You need to find out how serious it was and how long did it last. You need to ask questions about the type of guy he was. You have to have a genuine interest in what’s on her heart. If she’s fresh out of a relationship where sex was involved, she  definitely has a soul tie to that man. If she was in a very long relationship and leaving wasn’t her choice, she has a soul tie. Even if she chose to leave, she may still have a soul tie. Listen to her heart. You’ll be able to tell if she’s still hurting. She may get angry, depressed, quiet, or even start crying. Her countenance will change if she still has a strong tie to her ex.

What to do if she has a soul-tie with her ex? 

Just be her friend. Speak life into her. Show her what a real man looks like. Be there for her and don’t put your whole heart into her yet. Put her in the friend zone and support her growth. Recommend a life coach that you’ve screened and you feel may be a good fit. Aid her in her healing while getting to know her. In this time you may find out that she’s not the one for you. On the other hand you may find out that she is the one for you. If that’s the case then now you’ve built on friendship which is a good start. You have to make the decision early if she’s going to be a friend or if she’s going to be your future wife. Oftentimes you have to help heal a woman’s heart before you can have her heart. If you don’t make a decision then you will get strung along and it could cause resentment if you don’t really know the role you want to play in her life.

What to do if you’re in a relationship and you recognize she still has a soul-tie with her ex? 

You have to let her go. It’s not fair to you nor is it smart of you to be with her if she is still communicating with her ex in emotional or physical exchanges. She may not want you to leave because she may like having both. But if she still loves her ex and he makes the right moves she will leave you in a heartbeat. If you wait until that point you will be left feeling suicidal or homicidal. Recognize the signs and be man enough to step back. You shouldn’t knowingly compete with another man. That can be very dangerous. Actually, I just heard tell of a boyfriend who had to kill his girlfriends ex-boyfriend because the ex showed up and a fight started. They both had guns and took shots but the ex was killed. Men are territorial. If you know that a woman is still tied to her ex in an emotional way then it’s best that you step out of the way so things don’t escalate and throw your life and focus off course.

I believe this same info can be used for a woman who is dealing with a man who is still dealing with his ex emotionally or physically. Your partner may have kids with their ex but that doesn’t mean they have to be emotionally involved with their ex. Your partner should only be emotionally involved with the kids. It should be almost like a business transaction between your partner and their ex. It shouldn’t be too personal and intrusive into your relationship. If your partner can’t get their ex to respect your relationship then you need to pull back so they can have each other without dragging you in the middle of their on-going love and war.

Bless you,

Tony G.

*Get my wife’s ebook Wife Type here: http://amzn.to/1BBFiJi

If you’re gonna stay in a relationship, stop complaining…

Do you have those friends who come to you with their problems all the time and you pour your heart out only to find that they are right back in the same toxic relationship? You answer the phone in the middle of the night. You talk for hours. You talk day-in and day-out and then they take all of your advice, wipe their butt with it and go right back to their terrible relationship. Sometimes when they go back the toxic lover makes them cut you off for a while.

What should you do about? You have to live what you preach. You keep telling them not to go back to someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over again; but you keep going back to them and letting them drain you over and over again.

Them talking about it with you is giving them the illusion that they are doing something about it. They begin to feel that talking about it is “action.” They talk about it and think that because you listened, they fixed the problem. Then they go back and find out that nothing has changed.

Here’s what I’d do for my friend. I’ll pour my heart out about three times. After I’ve poured my heart out three times, I can’t keep doing it if no changes are being made.

I will tell my “friend:” Look, I love you and all but I don’t have the time or the breath to keep wasting on your toxic relationship that you refuse to leave. We can be friends but you will need to hire a relationship coach so that as you’re wasting your time you will feel it because you’ll be wasting your money. I’m guessing that if the toxic relationship is causing you to go broke and lose friends then maybe you’ll realize how toxic this relationship is and find the strength to leave. 


Then you have to stick to it. When your friend wants to bring up the toxic relationship you have to stop them right there and let them know that you love them but you don’t want to hear about it. If they see that you as a close friend think it’s so ridiculous that you don’t even want to hear about it then it may help them leave. But if you reinforce your friend by always being there then you’re not being a real friend. Sometimes “helping” becomes “hindering.”

You have to demonstrate to your friend what a toxic relationship does to us when we stay in it. We lose everything. We lose our mind. We lose our money. We lose our friends. If you help create that loss by removing yourself from the situation and let them know you’re doing it out of love, it may get through to them.

What if you’re the friend in the toxic relationship? You need to know that your close friends and family only want the best for you. No one is jealous of you. No one is jealous of you being cheated on, beat on, lied to, used, manipulated or whatever else is going on. Everyone around you wants to see you do better. They know you can do better. They just are hoping that you can see yourself the way they do.

Take a chance and listen to your close friends and family. Love shouldn’t hurt you. Love shouldn’t drain you. Love shouldn’t isolate you from those you love. You have to open your eyes to the signs and be willing to make changes. If you don’t you will end up on an island where no one can hear your screams when you need them the most.

Stop talking your friends to death about that dead end relationship and make the changes you know you need to make!

Bless you!

Tony G.

*Get my wife’s ebook Wife Type here: http://amzn.to/1BBFiJi