Don’t play with a broken heart…

It’s hard to go through life and not be bruised and battered. We can suffer in so many ways. Most people had to pick their poison at a very young age. There is so much pain in so many people. The pain gets worse when a hurt person tries to love another hurt person. We hurt in different ways and we respond to the pain in different ways. There are some innocent hurting people who just want love. There are some innocent hurt people who just want revenge; and they’re willing to take it out on anyone in their path.

Be careful when loving a damaged person. It’s OK to try to love someone but make sure you don’t lose yourself in the process. If they aren’t ready for love then you have to be willing to walk away. If they don’t want to healed or even want to be helped, then you have to help yourself. You can’t save everybody and you can’t change anybody. You have to love as if you’ve never been hurt before and if that’s not good enough for them, you have to walk away. Don’t feel like you’re abandoning them. You’re just not the person meant to help them. Someone else will come along. We all hurt in different ways and we all have someone in this world who can help us heal. Know who is for you and be willing to let go of someone who isn’t. If you don’t have anyone, God’s grace is sufficient. His love is the ultimate love and will be the love that heals your heart. He may or may not use another person to help. Trust the process.

Don’t play with a broken heart. Don’t play with theirs and don’t play with yours. Someone can get hurt very badly because brokenness can be unforgiving at times. Be willing to let go of the past and heal the pain. Be willing to give love and allow love. It’s enough pain in the world already. Be the cure not the cause.

Blessings,

Tony Gaskins Jr.

Consistency…

The one thing we lack as humans is the ability to be consistent. The humans who can be consistent are not normal anymore. They’ve elevated to another level of living. We all visit that place at least once, but it’s easier to get there than it is to stay there. Consistency is not common and it does the uncommon in your life.

What do you need to be consistent at? Think on the things you need to be consistent at. Write them down. Make a plan of action and then stick to it. If you can be consistent at anything it will change your life drastically. Every week I see someone “make it.” Rarely are the individuals exceptionally talented. It’s normally the result of a relentless pursuit of their goals. It’s baffling to see less talented people make it while very talented people wonder through life. I’ve suffered from a lack of consistency all my life. It’s not easy. But when I finally was consistent at the things that mattered, my life changed. Now I’m identifying other areas that I need to be consistent in and I’m working on those areas.

Consistency will change your life. You may not be the best. You may not be the smartest. You may not have the most of anything in life, but if you are consistent you will see changes.

Make it a point to be consistent in your life and your life will never be the same.

Blessings,

Tony G.

A Servant’s Heart…

I do customer service for my company and it’s so humbling. It helps me understand what people in the service industry go through. I really respect the people who had to deal with me in my past when I would go-off on the customer service rep. Not understanding they have nothing to do with the company or the product, but they have to get the brunt of everyone’s frustration. Many of us take our life’s frustration out on the customer service reps. When we’re mad with the government, customer service can take it. When we’re mad with the boss, customer service can take it. When we’re mad with our spouse, customer service can take it. Any problems we’re having, we give them to the customer service rep. It’s been amusing and upsetting handling the customer service department for my company. People write in with demands, threats, false accusations, and everything else. They write in as if they are the only person emailing in. They want the entire world to stop and serve their needs. It’s hilarious and it makes me mad all at the same time. Some time back I would forget that I’m customer service and I would respond as an entitled CEO, but under the name of my customer service rep. I really damaged my company a few times because I had to rip some folks. Then after I rip them, all of a sudden they are shocked and appalled at how they are being handled not realizing that I just gave them back what they gave me.

They thought they could write in and go off on the assistant and the assistant just take it, and then move on. Maybe that’s what real assistants and customer service people do. Maybe they don’t take it personal. At least I hope they don’t. I’ve learned a lot doing customer service. I do it for the very lessons I’m learning. It has made me humble. It has made me look at life differently. It has helped me understand how many people are struggling in life. It has shown me how many people are hurting and angry and operating from those places. Very rarely does someone write in respectfully, peacefully, and full of grace and understanding. I can count on one hand how many people can keep a level head and nice attitude when the world doesn’t stop for them. I’ve been guilty of handling situations just as most others do. That’s why I put myself through this training.

To be successful, like real success, lasting success, you must be humble. You must have a servant’s heart. Jesus said, the greatest among you is the servant. If you can be humble, you will be exalted. If you can have a servant’s heart, doors will be opened to you. If you can smile after being cursed-out and talked-down to, you’ll be able to achieve anything. To reach the top you must have the heart of the lowly. Your ego will destroy you.

The next time you have an issue with your phone bill, food order, or anything else remember this post. When you speak to the customer service rep, speak how you’d like to be spoken to. Approach it in a cool and calm manner and watch the sea be parted for you. After going through the fire as a customer service rep in my company I began to change my tone when addressing issues with other companies. I noticed the cool, calm, and collected version of myself got a lot more results than the angry and irate version of my past.

A servant carries the burden instead of dumping it on someone else. A servant is the greatest among us. A servant is a leader. A servant is stronger than anyone else. A servant’s heart will take you where ego can’t.

Grow with me as we try to have a servant’s heart in everything we do.

Blessings,

Tony G.

Brushing shoulders with Greatness…

Yesterday, I wrote about how you’ll lose friends and offend spectators when you’re pursuing greatness, but there’s another side to the story. As you’re pursuing greatness there will be some people that you inspire. They aspire to be great and your energy motivates them to be better.

Your pursuit of greatness could be in any area of your life. It could be in your career, your relationship, your lifestyle and choices, or any other area of life. You can’t be great if you’re too selfish. You must have times that you sow into the lives of others. You have to be willing to be tugged on at times. Create windows of time that you allow others to drain you a little bit. I don’t mean drain in a negative way. I mean to pull from your wisdom and energy. At times it will get tiring and that’s your “check engine” light coming on to remind you it’s time to take care of yourself. This transfer of energy is necessary on your journey. We all need a mentor and a mentee. As you learn and grow you should teach. I’m no guru but I’m sharing lessons as I grow because no matter where I am in life there is always someone ahead of me and right behind me.

There will be different categories that you must place people in. Majority of the people you will share with them from a distance, like social media. Then there will be those who can email you. Then those who can text you. Then those who can call you. Then those you meet with in person. You’ll choose their category by how much you see them investing in themselves and how much of you they need. If you ever find yourself reaching out to people and no one is responding that means their greatness isn’t your type of greatness. Their greatness may not be greatness. The person for you will respond and you’ll respond to those who resonate with your energy.

Don’t ever isolate yourself for too long. It’s good to get away and consult yourself and listen to God but human interaction is necessary.

I withdraw from those I see as greatness in the making and then I deposit into others who are making their way up. If you picture it like a climb, we’re passing the food and water down. Everyone is helping everyone stay hydrated and focused on the journey. It’s a give and accept cycle that’s happening.

When I receive text messages from people who can’t move my life forward in a literal sense then I know it’s because I can move their life forward. So instead of being selfish, I respond because I know that interaction may motivate them to keep going. If they see me as greatness in the making then my energy energizes them. As they receive from me I’m also reaching out to someone who can energize me. We’re all in this together and we push one another.

Moving forward, don’t ignore your text messages if you know this person isn’t coming to bring anything negative in your life. They need you just as you’ll need someone too. You can’t be great if all you want to do is take and not give. Give more than you accept and your greatness won’t be denied.

Blessings,

Tony G.

Love isn’t war

We’ve been lied to for a long time about love. We’ve come to the point that we think fighting, arguing, infidelity, and mind games are a part of love. It may be a part of the relationship you’re in, but it has nothing to do with love.

Love should be between two mature adults who want the best for one another. Love is selfless not selfish. Love gives instead of taking. Love is understanding and compassionate. Love may compromise some likes and preferences, but never does it compromise morals and values.

Make sure the person in your life wants to be with you. If you have to wonder about their love, it may not exist. Don’t get caught up in a daily struggle trying to keep someone in your life. Don’t lose yourself trying to keep someone else. Don’t lower your standards to accommodate their self-hate.

If you’ve found yourself in a war and calling it love, it’s time to rethink some things.

Blessings,

Tony G.

Upcoming events:

Atlanta 4/2/17

Houston 4/8/17

Memphis 5/6/17

Should you go back to someone who left you?

Reader submitted question to inbox@tonygaskins.com:

I received a question from a young lady who was left by the father of her children. She wanted to know if she should go back to him and try to work it out once she’s done working on herself.

I couldn’t imagine the pain you may be going through raising kids alone. I know it’s not easy and many days you probably feel lost and lonely. Sure, millions have found a way to be a single parent just fine, but that’s not the case for everyone.

I can’t tell anyone what to do with their life but I do want to speak from a man’s perspective on what’s going through a man’s mind when he leaves…

1. Love doesn’t leave:

You have to understand that when a relationship is filled with real love, leaving isn’t an option. Real love stands, fights and gets stronger. When a person has to leave to protect themselves it’s because there’s not enough love in the relationship. In that case love isn’t leaving, self love is just standing up for itself. So if a person leaves you it’s for a reason that is valid in their mind and you may never understand it.

2. When a man leaves, he’s done:

Men are not like women, at all. Men are very straight forward in their decisions. When a man leaves you, he’s done with you. He has weighed his options and the consequences and when he leaves, he’s sure. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but most of the time this is how it is. If he leaves and then you chase him, you’re setting yourself up to be hurt.

3. If he leaves you, he’s not yours:

If a man leaves you, he doesn’t want you and you don’t need him. It’s a man’s job to help heal your heart. It’s a man’s job to protect and provide. A real man knows that women are preyed on in this world and he understands that it’s his love that can bring you back to your normal self. A man’s love should be so strong that it erases your feelings for anyone before him. That’s the way the heart works when real love is present. If a man leaves you that means he doesn’t see you as someone worth his efforts to help heal your heart. He doesn’t see you as the one to sweat and toil in the field of love for. He sees other options that seem a little more fitting for him or he just doesn’t feel that he is the one who can help you heal. It’s not always that he’s a weak man or less than a man. Sometimes he’s just not the man for you. It doesn’t make him or you any less of a person.

4. If you chase him, he will run:

It’s human physics. You have to let a man pursue you. If you chase him, you relinquish all your power and you give him an opportunity to play you for the fool. Remember it’s the man who pursues the woman, courts the woman, and then gets on one knee to ask for permission to love you for the rest of your life. It’s that way for a reason. We are made differently and it’s of great importance to know that a man wants you before you let him know you want him.

5. Never hit rewind in life:

Life is meant to be lived moving forward. Never hit rewind. You may hit pause to gather yourself but after that you need to hit play. If you go backwards in life, you’re going the wrong way. Everything happens for a reason. If a man leaves you and he wants you back he will hit fast forward and catch up to you. Don’t go backwards.

Those are just a few reasons on why it may not be a good idea to go back to a man who left you. Please note there are exceptions to all rules but in those cases it will be clear to you that it’s real love. It will sweep you off your feet. It will remove all doubt from your mind. It won’t be a struggle or a fight. It will happen naturally and it will feel right. If it doesn’t remove all doubt and flow smoothly then it’s probably not meant to be!

To the fellas who are the good guys and you left a woman to protect yourself, this doesn’t apply to you so get out of your feelings this very moment. I don’t want to hear your mouth about “what about the good men?” We know you are out there but this isn’t about you. Yes, I understand that sometimes men leave a woman for reasons other than just wanting to be with a different woman. What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.

I hope this helps those who are going through this.

Blessings,

Tony G.

How to get over someone…

You can’t prepare for your next if you’re still focused on your ex.

Reader submitted question:

It’s always tough getting over someone. Sometimes we make it harder than it has to be. It’s hard because we form a bond and although it can be a toxic bond, a bond is still a bond. It’s important to know when it’s time to let go 100%. When you know it’s time to go you have to leave and not be willing to look back.

Here are some things you can do when trying to get over someone…

1. Cut All Communication

You have to stop texting, calling, and social media stalking. You can’t get over someone if you’re randomly texting one another about things that aren’t business related. By business related I mean an actual business or your children. If you’re texting and arguing back and forth with your ex then you’ll never get over them.

You also have to block them on social media. You can’t move forward if you’re checking their posts every day. Each time you come across them online or anywhere else it will strengthen the tie you’re trying to break.

2. Cut off mutual friends and their family for a period of time

You can’t move on if you’re talking about your ex with their friends or family members. They may be specifically checking in with you just so they can let your ex know how you’re doing. I know you may love their mom or siblings but if you’re serious about getting over your ex, you have to separate yourself from their family and friends until you have the strength to be cordial without feelings being involved.

Honestly, when you break up with someone you have to break up with their friends and family as well. Your next partner won’t be ok with you being besties with the friends and family members of your ex. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it will help you.

3. Get New Knowledge

While you’re trying to heal and grow you have to feed your mind new information. Go to seminars. Take online courses. Read books. You have to wash your mind of all the old junk you’ve learned about love and relationships. You have to learn what real love is and what a real relationship is.

4. Work on yourself

While you’re healing make sure you are working on your brand. Start your blog. Start your company. Start your non-profit org. Get back in school so you can advance in your career. Jump out there and live your dreams.

Those are just a few helpful tips to help you heal from a break-up and get over your ex completely. If you have to deal with them, keep it short and sweet, and only about the necessary topics like the kids or business matters.

If it gets too serious or dangerous you may have to do more like moving, changing churches, or jobs if you have those things in common with your ex. It all depends on how serious the relationship was and how bad you want to get over them.

Blessings,

Tony G.

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